That Sunday it was my turn to preach during the masses of the day. The night before he had, as usual, listened to Billy Graham's “Decision Hour” on HCJB. This program had often been of great help to me in preparing for the next day's preaching.
I had chosen the topic: “Religious hypocrisy,” using these verses from the Bible: “Not everyone who says to me: Lord! Mr! He shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day: Lord! Mr! We did not prophesy in your name, and in your name we cast demons, and in your name we did many miracles? And then I will protest to you: I never knew you; depart from me, you evildoers! ' (Matthew 7:21 -23).
I knew a little about my parishioners. I wanted to draw their attention to this mania that everyone had for boasting about everything they did, surely forgetting that these good works concealed a rotten heart. I was going to remind you of that. And, as I was speaking, however, I felt that the Word of God was turning against me, just like a ping-pong ball.
It is curious how the spirit of man can, in a few seconds, build a whole scaffold of ideas that would take hundreds of words and perhaps many hours to describe them. This is how, while I was preaching my sermon to the parishioners, another Person was speaking to my heart, giving me a sermon that I would never ever forget, a sermon adapted exactly to my situation, and to my case.
I thought that because I was a priest and a religious, I was better than all those who listened to me. However, I clearly heard the Word of God resound in my heart: "I never knew you, Joseph!" I hastened to defend myself, providing several arguments: “How is it possible, my God, that you are not going to know me who am your priest, your religious? Look at all the sacrifices I have made to date: studies for years, separation from my dear relatives, from my homeland; the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, with which I offered you all my right to possess, to have a family, to direct my life ... and all that in order to serve you better ... How can you tell me not to do you know - Consider then, I beg you, all the sufferings that I have endured over many years of my life as a missionary, the hunger, the misery, the tears; Those that I have baptized are counted by hundreds, by thousands those that I have absolved of their sins in your name; There are countless souls consoled with the ministry of your Word, those who were disheartened, humiliated and depressed… Me too, how many times have I suffered from the cold, from loneliness, from the ingratitude of men, from contempt and from threats! I was always ready to give my life for You! .. ”And I wanted to keep adding more and more arguments before God. But it was useless. The more arguments I presented, the louder was the voice that screamed at me within my soul: “I never knew you! - Get away from me, you evildoer! " humiliated and depressed… Me too, how many times have I suffered from the cold, from loneliness, from the ingratitude of men, from contempt and threats! I was always ready to give my life for You! .. ”And I wanted to keep adding more and more arguments before God. But it was useless. The more arguments I presented, the louder was the voice that screamed at me within my soul: “I never knew you! - Get away from me, you evildoer! " humiliated and depressed… Me too, how many times have I suffered from the cold, from loneliness, from the ingratitude of men, from contempt and threats! I was always ready to give my life for You! .. ”And I wanted to keep adding more and more arguments before God. But it was useless. The more arguments I presented, the louder was the voice that screamed at me within my soul: “I never knew you! - Get away from me, you evildoer! "
I could not believe it! I felt empty, totally naked before God. This sin that I tried to hide from the eyes of God through my good works, God saw, dirty, stinking and ugly. I also saw it that way now, and understood why God was not going to know me. I didn't find any other argument to present; tears prevented me from continuing my sermon. Depressed in the face of this terrible frustration of all my life, I saw with all its ugliness my own sins and the condemnation of God. The parishioners thought it was the best sermon of my life. They did not know that my tears came, not from what I was saying to them, but rather from what the Holy Spirit was saying to me within my heart.
I escaped into my office. There, on my knees, I waited for the storm to subside a bit. Where was I going to take refuge now? - Maybe in my theology? But he knew very well that this same theology that once seemed so strong and unshakable, was now being torn apart by the many changes that were beginning to take place. Where would I go for comfort and strength? - To my friends? But they were themselves in the same situation as mine: uncertain, restless, and fearful of hell. Then I had to take refuge in myself. No! Impossible! I looked like a filthy rag, more dead than alive. This is how God himself describes to me everything that I had tried to do to deserve heaven: Filthy rag! (Isaiah 64: 5). The annihilation of man is God's opportunity.
Jesus stays at the door
It is in this state of complete annihilation, my God took the opportunity to apply to my soul all His Words that had come to me through the HCJB. “For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God; not of works, so that no one can boast ”(Ephesians 2: 8-9). It is there that I understood why God had rejected me earlier. I wanted to save myself, by my works; while God wanted to save me by grace. God had provided me with Another to be punished in my place.
This Other had already taken care of all the cargo of my sins, and had suffered the punishment deserved for my sins. This Other was the Lord Jesus Christ. It is He who died on the Cross for my sins. He was rightly inviting me to come to him: "Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, for I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). I understood that I, too, had to go to Jesus if I wanted to achieve the rest and peace that I was looking for. And like a blind man sensing someone's presence, I wanted to shout: "But Jesus, where are you?" But before this question got out of my mouth, another word from God came to mind: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me ”(Revelation 3:20).
I have opened the door.
Now I knew where the Lord Jesus was. It was not that far from what I thought. And I hastened to invite him inside: "Come, my Jesus, enter my heart, be the Master of my life, oh well-loved Savior!" - And Jesus entered my heart. I am saved. It was from that moment that, not only had my sins been forgiven, but also that God had totally removed them from me; except by the grace of God, made His son forever, with this Eternal Life that He had communicated to me.
Taken from "Testimony of Joseph Tremblay"
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