Painful yoga exercises, endless meditations by candlelight, hours of hard work, meaningless fasting and an unhealthy overemphasis on community life at the expense of personal responsibility made it clear to me that I had ended up in one of the strictest orders of priests. When I joined the Order, I did not even know the difference that the Roman Catholic Church makes between world priests and religious priests.
Joining the church for work and housing
When I was born in late 1965, my family was not yet Catholic. I am the third youngest in a family of four boys and two girls. I was given the name Chiomberegwa, which means 'honored'. Soon after I was born, my family moved to a Gokomere Mission farm in Zimbabwe, Africa. When we got there, I was baptized in the name of Cuthbert and my family converted to Roman Catholic. This was one of the conditions for residing on the mission site and being employed by the Church.
Attending church was also compulsory. Our parents had to send us to every church occasion. To a certain extent, family life merged with church life. Sometimes school hours were even canceled due to a church event. As a first grader, I couldn't tell the difference between family fellowship, church, and school because Sister Paula and other church representatives were everywhere. A nun was in charge of the primary school and a priest was in charge of the upper school. Most of the teachers were monks and nuns.
No place in the seminary
As I grew up, I wanted to be a priest and work in a parish. But what a disappointment: there was no place for me in the regional seminary! And so I ended up in an order of monks. It was only after four years, when I was a second year novice in the Gandachibvuva Mission, that I realized the difference between the two. In the training to become a parish priest, more emphasis is placed on academic training and on preparation for work in the parish. Religious priests, on the other hand, live in communities and have a well-planned daily routine with extensive meditations and spiritual exercises. The Franciscan order I entered was one of the strictest. His tough rules were relentlessly applicable to every member.
Conscientious preparation
The novices live in a house far away from everyday life. There they are trained for two years under the watchful eyes of a novice master. Then they make their first profession, that is, they vow to keep the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience for a limited time. The following training phase is then about making definitive decisions with the help of consultants. The recommendations of all previous teachers who have shaped the thinking of the priest candidate are important. During this probationary period, I humbly considered and reviewed my calling every day. The three vows that I took in front of my superiors and in front of the church were part of my 'mantra', which I repeated several times every morning after waking up during the meditation time.
In-depth understanding
When I started studying theology I was more religious and more zealous for the Church than when I entered the Order. For two years now I have been exposed to the influence of long, illuminating lectures on Mariology and Canon Law. Religious life and prayer also contributed to my more devotion to the Catholic faith. Much of what I heard about Catholic teaching in the catechism during my childhood I did not understand at the time. Now, however, during the years of my religious training, my understanding grew. I developed a greater devotion to Mary and prayed the rosary even more than was expected. I was sincerely religious and yet far from God.
Most of the teachings of the Church have become part of my way of life. I was convinced that I had found my home in the Roman Catholic Church. The novitiate helped me develop a personal connection with the Church. And a detour into apologetics during the pre-vows time helped me clarify and justify the faith.
The most interesting part of my education were the years of studying theology. In order for a priest to have a full share in church life, he needs six of the seven sacraments: Baptism, Confirmation, Eucharist, Confession, Ordination, and the Last Unction. Although not so taught, ordination is regarded as the highest and most gracious sacrament. In my heart I was proud to add this to my other sacraments and vows. I trusted that I could act in God's place with this sacrament that placed me next to Christ. I was a holy person. Or so I thought. As Paul once did, I believed I was fully qualified because of my training and position. And just like Paul once did, I also had the experience of a blinding light ahead of me,
More difficult than expected
Not long after I made my final vows, I began to see some of the ugly sides of the Church and myself. Slowly, but more and more, I realized how difficult it was to keep the vows, especially that of chastity. I have heard from elderly fellow priests who bought houses on behalf of their relatives, some even on behalf of their children. "Is there such a thing, chaste men with children?"
The support my vows had given me was weakened by these discoveries. However zealously and devotedly I had lived for the Church and how deeply rooted I had been in the resolutions of the Second Vatican Council, it now seemed to me that the whole world was collapsing on me. How was it possible that there were so many inconsistencies in God's Church? How could the 'Holy Synod of Bishops' overlook such extremely hypocritical acts? How could Rome be silent about it?
Like other friars who were confronted with such grievances even more, I made it my survival strategy to only concern myself with my own tasks. That was how we learned in the novitiate. But then I came into contact with a girl during a work visit to one of our stations. I tried to resist by praying the rosary more often and confessing to my superior, but I failed. In early 1997, my beloved brought me news that destroyed my priestly vocation. Not much was missing and I would have taken my own life.
The 'safe way'
My spiritual leader advised me to take the 'safe path' and reject fatherhood. I reversed this decision when the child - mineSon! - was born. I felt split in two, lost the joy of my priestly vocation. My religious life was nothing but hypocrisy. I had nothing left to boast about. My holiness was gone; I lost my chastity! I was sure that the Lord would not accept me in this state and would not have anything more to do with me. I confessed to my boss and he forgave me, but I was guilty before God. My spiritual advisor told me to continue with my religious double life. But I couldn't. I had only one wish: to be freed from this burden of guilt and shame.
I took part ever more fervently in the daily morning devotions, in the masses, in the Friday worship of the monstrance. What else could I do but this? I had learned that it was my responsibility to purify myself. And so I tried harder and harder.
The biblical way
Little did I know that David, who was "a man after God's heart," and had once committed a sin similar to mine, dealt with his guilt very differently than I had learned. He was not looking for a confessor to confess his sins to. Nor did he try to appease God with good works or self-mortification.
Instead, he went straight to his Heavenly Father, confessed his sin and prayed, “O God, be gracious to me according to your goodness; blot out my transgressions according to your great mercy ” (Psalm 51: 3 ). Little did I know that a person who believes in Jesus Christ as His Savior could speak directly to the Father without human intervention. “Likewise, David also praises the blessed man to whom God without works credits righteousness: 'Blessed are those whose wickednesses are forgiven and whose sins are covered” ” (Romans 4: 6-7). This biblical truth remained unknown to me in the Franciscan order!
After a year of remorse and nothing to excuse my hypocritical double life, I decided to seek advice outside the Catholic Church. I came across a magazine that should lead my thinking in a new direction. I did not know the gospel then; I knew nothing of God's saving grace. I felt that the good news was that I could regain my previous state of chastity. The article I read in that magazine was entitled 'An Open Letter to the Church in the Ecumenical Age' and exposed in a very cautious manner the errors of Catholic teaching and the deceit of ecumenism. Although I did not fully understand the content, I felt compelled to write to the author and explain the problems that burdened me to share. The man explained to me very lovingly why Jesus took our sins upon himself and carried them on the cross - namely so that people could be reconciled to God - and that the work of the Lord Jesus was completed. However, I was still strongly influenced by the need to deserve God's approval. After several more Bible studies with my new acquaintance, I made the decision to marry and live with my son's mother. To have to earn God's pleasure. After several more Bible studies with my new acquaintance, I made the decision to marry and live with my son's mother. To have to earn God's pleasure. After several more Bible studies with my new acquaintance, I made the decision to marry and live with my son's mother.
A hard but liberating realization
What was going on in me when it finally became clear to me from my own Bible what really happened there on the cross, I can only inadequately put into words. If the joy that was now in my heart hadn't surpassed everything, the realization that I had spent 10 years of my life for a meaningless cause would have almost overwhelmed me. As I continued to study the Bible with the man whom God had brought into my life through that magazine article, I felt like scales were falling from my eyes, or as if I had woken up from a deep sleep in reality.
In 1999, I called this man almost every Monday and asked him questions or just prayed with him. I then followed up on the Bible passages he gave me in a personal Bible study. It took me almost a year to understand the meaning of verses like these: "For all who are by works of the law are under the curse ..." and: "The righteous will live by faith" (Galatians 3:10 a + 11b). At first I couldn't imagine that God should love me and give me his grace when I was still in a sinful state. This truth, however, can be found in Romans 5: 8: "God proves his love for us by the fact that Christ died for us when we were still sinners."
I would never have thought it possible that while I was still in a sinful state, God could love me and declare me righteous solely because of my belief in the accomplished atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ. As long as I did not know that God justifies a person not on the basis of his works, but on the basis of faith in Jesus Christ, this was incomprehensible to me. "Who worketh not, but believeth on him that justifies the ungodly, is credited his faith for righteousness." "For with the heart one believes to be just." (Romans 4,5 and 10,10) .
Everything is already done
Jesus Christ fully fulfilled the law and fully paid for my sin debt. But his paying for my sins was not credited to me until the moment I believed that my salvation was his merit alone, because he died, buried, rose and accomplished everything. This applies not only to me, but to every person, because the righteousness that applies before God is imputed to everyone who believes in the finished work of his son on the cross (cf. Romans 3:22). "For Christ is the end of the law of righteousness for everyone who believes" (Romans 10: 4).
The righteousness that believers have in the Lord Jesus Christ is without stain or blemish, it is perfect and utterly wonderful; a righteousness that not only eradicated all sins but also fulfilled every requirement of the law.
During my training in the Roman Catholic Church I had learned that salvation comes through the righteousness of Christ flowing to man through the sacraments. Now I know that this is not true. For God's Word teaches that righteousness is imputed directly to those who believe in Jesus Christ. Nothing spiritual can arise from matter, in whatever mysterious way the ceremony is performed. God tells us: “It is the spirit that gives life, the flesh is of no use. The words that I speak to you are spirit and are life ” (Gospel of John 6:63).
The Catholic doctrine of the sacraments goes so far that an eternal curse has been pronounced on anyone who does not accept this dogma: “Whoever says that through the sacraments of the New Covenant grace is imparted not by virtue of the rite performed, but to obtain grace if mere belief in the divine promise suffices, it is excluded ”(Council of Trent, 7th session (1547); in: Neuner-Roos, §513). ('Excluded' literally means 'cursed', i.e. excommunicated by the church and thus without hope of attaining heaven.)
With Christ through life
How very different from my everyday life in the monastery is the life that I now lead as a believer. As a believer, I know that Jesus Christ loves me and that he is always with me. Even if I get into difficulties, I know by faith that he is there for me in these. In religious life, every need is provided for in good time. We were able to sit at a set table four times a day, when we were cold the laypeople would bring us warm blankets, and we could live for months, even years, without knowing what the most common things in life cost. Whatever the problem, one turned to the diocese and expected a solution from there. It's completely different for me now. I entrust my every need to God. And by his grace I learned to thank him for everything even for the most difficult situations. It is my desire to know God in both suffering and joy. I encounter both on the difficult path into a new life.
I don't understand in detail why Christ has become so great and dear to me, but I know that he will continue to reveal himself to me. What I already have - living in grace and communion with my family - is enough for me to move forward and serve him. There is no reason in me that he loved me, because I was a sinner, like every person who is not connected to Christ. It is not thanks to me that He saved me, because like everyone else I deserve hell. Yet God the Father declared me righteous the moment I put my trust in His Son. And this righteousness remains with me even if I sin again. What a great message! I still can't believe he died for me
The love of Christ urges me
After a good year of study, prayer, and preparation, I felt God was leading me to the many millions of people who are being held captive by the Roman Catholic Church's fake message of salvation. The Christian community I had found, however, was not much encouragement to me. While I clearly saw the unbridgeable rift between the Roman Catholic and Biblical Churches, I was shocked to discover that most of my brothers and sisters in Reformed and Evangelical circles see almost or no difference to Roman Catholic teaching!
I was very depressed to find this out. On the one hand, there are very many who, like me, leave the Catholic Church and thereby lose their families, their prestige and their social security, because they want to be faithful to the truth that is being fought in the Catholic Church. At the same time, on the other hand, there are believers who embrace Catholics as 'brothers in the faith'. They feel like I used to: They don't understand that Catholics who don't hear and don't believe the true gospel will be lost forever. The document 'Evangelicals and Catholics Together', which was co-signed by leading evangelicals, is all the more shocking. How did they thereby despise the worth of the blood of Christ and insult the reformers of the 16th century, the evangelical faith builds on their devoted struggle for the truth! How can we follow the path of truth when, under the guise of unity, we behave like adulterers and act according to the expediency of this world? When we do this, we are denying the true gospel and the Lord who redeemed us.“But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you who secretly introduce pernicious sects, even denying the Lord who bought them; and they will bring a swift ruin upon themselves ” (2 Peter 2: 1).
Encounter with the past
I had spent most of my life so far without knowing that only God can save me. In all the years studying under the direction of the Roman Catholic Church, I never came to know this truth. My Catholic teachers and superiors had neither taught me the true gospel nor led me to Christ. On the contrary, they made me believe they were the agents of salvation and saving grace.
In order to document this life testimony, I was asked to produce a certificate stating that I had really been a priest. When I started my new life, of course, I never thought that I would ever need such a document and never thought that it would be so difficult to get my own papers back. I called Frater Gava, the dean of the cathedral in whose monastic apartment I had lived. Because my papers would surely be there. Brother Gava told me to come and get the materials. However, when I got there, the monks I had lived with treated me like a stranger. At least they gave me something to eat. Brother Gava, however, was nowhere to be found. He called three hours later and asked if I was still there. However, I was unable to see or speak to him that day or the next. Every conversation was monitored and when I tried to ask someone for information, I avoided those with whom I had recently lived as a family.
The only result of the expensive journey I had to make was contempt and insult. I realized that I would only be able to quote the correspondence with the bishop that I had found in my books at home as confirmation of my former priesthood.
A new identity and a new purpose in life
As for my new position in Jesus Christ, it is Himself who gives the confirmation. It doesn't take human-issued documents to witness my new life. The living Spirit of God, with whom I was sealed when I believed, is testimony to this. "The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children" (Romans 8:16).
On Sundays I meet with other believers to worship the Lord. We encourage one another to evangelize more and more among Roman Catholic people. The Word of God teaches us about this and with its help we prepare ourselves to share the good news of salvation in Jesus Christ especially with those who are still prisoners of the temptation of the Catholic Church. We pay attention to the many admonitions the Bible gives us regarding false doctrines, and we encourage one another to earnestly “fight for the faith which has been given to the saints once and for all” (Jude 3b), “so that we may not each other have to be ashamed of him when he comes again ” (1.John 2:28 b). And in any situation we can with joy and trust“Look to Jesus, the beginner and finisher of the faith” (Hebrews 12: 2).
Cuthbert and his wife Lydia were presented with a second child, a girl, on April 23, 2004. In the same year, the family followed a call from an evangelical church that Cuthbert had asked to serve as shepherds and moved to Harare, Zimbabwe. Cuthbert also helps with the care of the community in her former place of residence Chitungwiza. Undeterred by the material poverty that also affects his own family, he continues the missionary service "Christ for Catholics" and trains fellow Christians for evangelism among his beloved Catholic fellow men. His email address is: cldzingirai@zol.co.zw
[Source: https://bereanbeacon.org/de/die-gnade-gottes-hat-mich-herausgeholt/]
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